LONDON I LOVE YOU!

*This post was typed into my Blackberry on the way to London Heathrow International Airport on October 1st 2011 as I made my way back to Melbourne for the summer...

I can't really believe that after 2 years of living in the most amazing city in the world, I am now in a cab on the way to Heathrow to return down under until my sponsorship is processed and I can return to London. It doesn't feel real & still hasn't quite hit me. Words can't really begin to describe how much I love London. When I think back to the boy that moved here 2 years ago and the journey i've had it seems surreal. I never could have prepared myself for the emotional rollercoaster that waited for me in the United Kingdom. I landed, a very much in love highly devoted boyfriend who was ready to start a new life with someone I thought was my soulmate. I didn't think I had it in me to leave him, where I found that inner strength from I'll never know, but I did. Hard as it was looking back I see now it was the best decision I've ever made. My life started fresh. I could finally be the ME I wanted to be. However, from a heartbreaking end to a 2 year relationship - my first ever relationship - to my first internship in Fashion which single handedly changed my life and took me for a ride I will never forget. To the amazing people I've met who I now refer to as my London family - the real ME began to blossom. I've had the pleasure of meeting people I've looked up to and admired since childhood, have found myself in many a surreal situation and have been lucky enough to work with some of the most incredibly talented people in the world and I still can't quite fathom how this has all happened. I never knew I could love a city this much but when you land on your feet in a place where you feel more yourself than ever, you soon realise that 'home' really is where the heart is and my heart will well and truly always be in London. I could write a novel on the countless things I love about the city, its treasures, its people and through this blog I very well have! Words really can't do justice for how amazing my time has been so i'll let some pictures do the talking - there have been too many incredible moments along the way but here's a snapshot!

When I start to think about all the things i've learnt about myself in the last 2 years it overwhelms me slightly. I learnt so many things in London, simple every day things like doing your own washing, cooking and cleaning - to more complicated things like dealing with your first break up. However the most important lesson I learnt was the importance of the relationship you have with yourself. At the end of the day you have to wake up in your skin day in-day out and if you can't look in the mirror and love the person you see staring back no one ever will. For the first time in my life I started taking time to get to know ME. Having 'dates with myself' as I would call them much to my friends' amusement. However I have come back more comfortable with myself as a person than ever and look forward to continuously learning more about myself as the years go by. The journey back to Geelong will be a long one for this BOY WITH THE PRADA BACKPACK but it won't be long till i'm back home & that for me is London.

Thankyou London x I love you x

A TRIBUTE TO THE BIG BROTHER I NEVER HAD & WILL NEVER FORGET!

*This is quite an emotional post but I felt it necessary to pay tribute to someone who had such an impact on my life.

You often hear the saying 'you meet everyone for a reason' - and in the fast pace world we live in, often forget it. However it could not be more true. Almost every person that comes into your life will teach you something. Good or Bad. I'll never forget the first conversation I had with Paul. I was working at Diesel almost 3 years ago now , myself in the female denim department and he in the male denim department. Paul was statuesque in form, like a true 'Adonis' perfect in every way physically. 6 foot something and super masculine - the kind of boy that would normally have tormented me in highschool and the type of boy that I at times still find myself intimidated of. My female colleague and I were having a discussion about my then boyfriend and as Paul approached us I went quiet. "Why'd you go quiet for , are you talking about me?" , "No, but i'm talking about something you might not feel comfortable hearing?" , "What, something gay? Denis half of my mates are gay you can talk about whatever you want and I wouldn't care man, you should come hang out with us in Menswear more , get to know me". I really didn't expect him to say that - there's more to this boy then meets the eye - I thought. So , everytime I'd walk past menswear I'd wave, say hello and on quieter days would stop for a chat. As time went on the chats became longer, more personal, more in-depth. After one occasion of drinks at the pub after work, we exchanged numbers and so a friendship was born. Fast forward 2 years later and this 'macho-russian-adonis' soon became the big brother I never had. From work-out tips "Denis, when you're doing push ups imagine a hot guy underneath you, that'll keep you motivated" , to relationship advice "Any guy who can't see how amazing you are is not worth your time Den" to talking about our dreams for the future - Paul and I could talk to each other about almost everything *I say almost because though he was the most gay friendly straight boy you could meet, so much so he came to Gay Pride with me and all our work friends - the mention of 'too many sexual details' would make him shudder & he'd often say "Den i'm glad you got laid, I just don't need to hear how" - bless him*. I'll never forget one evening while out to dinner I noticed a really attractive boy walk into the restaurant. "He's so hot" I exclaimed. "So go ask him out" dared Paul. "Are you joking? I could never do that?" , "Why not, what have you got to lose, you don't know him, at worst he'll say no or will have a boyfriend. At best you'll get this guys number" after much discussion he exclaimed "We're not leaving here till you do it Den" - and so I did it. With Paul's encouragement took a brave leap and did something I'd normally never do. Because that is the kind of effect Paul had on people. He was infectious. His smile would light up a room and put everyone at ease. From the outside some would say he could be passed of as a gym-junkie russian boy with an ego *and though this may not be entirely false hehe* for those of us who were lucky enough to know him on a deeper level, we knew inside that

tough boy exterior was the most sensitive, loving, caring and loyal person you will ever come across. Paul had a heart of gold. He was the kind of person that would literally give you the shirt off his back to help you. He helped me through many tough times and I was there for him when he needed me. I'll never forget him saying to me 'Deni I'm an only child, i've never had a brother so you can be my little brother' - in September of last year I lost my big brother Paul. Details aren't necessary. What's important is the effect he had on me and how amazing our bond was. Two total opposites a short-weak-homo and this statue of perfection yet together our brotherly bond stayed strong. I will never forget how much he meant to me and still think about him daily. I recently got his last words tattoo'd onto my back. LOVE.LAUGH.LIVE. three words that couldn't sum Paul up better. Paul came into my life for a reason - he taught me never to judge a book by its cover. To give people a chance. He taught me to be brave. To take risks. To Love hard. Laugh hard. Live hard. He also taught me that we should never take the ones we love foregranted because you just never know when your last goodbye may be. Though he's not here physically, I will forever have the amazing memories we had and his spirit will live on.

My Paulos I love you so much big brother and miss you everyday! xxx forever your little brother Deni!