*This is quite an emotional post but I felt it necessary to pay tribute to someone who had such an impact on my life.
You often hear the saying 'you meet everyone for a reason' - and in the fast pace world we live in, often forget it. However it could not be more true. Almost every person that comes into your life will teach you something. Good or Bad. I'll never forget the first conversation I had with Paul. I was working at Diesel almost 3 years ago now , myself in the female denim department and he in the male denim department. Paul was statuesque in form, like a true 'Adonis' perfect in every way physically. 6 foot something and super masculine - the kind of boy that would normally have tormented me in highschool and the type of boy that I at times still find myself intimidated of. My female colleague and I were having a discussion about my then boyfriend and as Paul approached us I went quiet. "Why'd you go quiet for , are you talking about me?" , "No, but i'm talking about something you might not feel comfortable hearing?" , "What, something gay? Denis half of my mates are gay you can talk about whatever you want and I wouldn't care man, you should come hang out with us in Menswear more , get to know me". I really didn't expect him to say that - there's more to this boy then meets the eye - I thought. So , everytime I'd walk past menswear I'd wave, say hello and on quieter days would stop for a chat. As time went on the chats became longer, more personal, more in-depth. After one occasion of drinks at the pub after work, we exchanged numbers and so a friendship was born. Fast forward 2 years later and this 'macho-russian-adonis' soon became the big brother I never had. From work-out tips "Denis, when you're doing push ups imagine a hot guy underneath you, that'll keep you motivated" , to relationship advice "Any guy who can't see how amazing you are is not worth your time Den" to talking about our dreams for the future - Paul and I could talk to each other about almost everything *I say almost because though he was the most gay friendly straight boy you could meet, so much so he came to Gay Pride with me and all our work friends - the mention of 'too many sexual details' would make him shudder & he'd often say "Den i'm glad you got laid, I just don't need to hear how" - bless him*. I'll never forget one evening while out to dinner I noticed a really attractive boy walk into the restaurant. "He's so hot" I exclaimed. "So go ask him out" dared Paul. "Are you joking? I could never do that?" , "Why not, what have you got to lose, you don't know him, at worst he'll say no or will have a boyfriend. At best you'll get this guys number" after much discussion he exclaimed "We're not leaving here till you do it Den" - and so I did it. With Paul's encouragement took a brave leap and did something I'd normally never do. Because that is the kind of effect Paul had on people. He was infectious. His smile would light up a room and put everyone at ease. From the outside some would say he could be passed of as a gym-junkie russian boy with an ego *and though this may not be entirely false hehe* for those of us who were lucky enough to know him on a deeper level, we knew inside that
tough boy exterior was the most sensitive, loving, caring and loyal person you will ever come across. Paul had a heart of gold. He was the kind of person that would literally give you the shirt off his back to help you. He helped me through many tough times and I was there for him when he needed me. I'll never forget him saying to me 'Deni I'm an only child, i've never had a brother so you can be my little brother' - in September of last year I lost my big brother Paul. Details aren't necessary. What's important is the effect he had on me and how amazing our bond was. Two total opposites a short-weak-homo and this statue of perfection yet together our brotherly bond stayed strong. I will never forget how much he meant to me and still think about him daily. I recently got his last words tattoo'd onto my back. LOVE.LAUGH.LIVE. three words that couldn't sum Paul up better. Paul came into my life for a reason - he taught me never to judge a book by its cover. To give people a chance. He taught me to be brave. To take risks. To Love hard. Laugh hard. Live hard. He also taught me that we should never take the ones we love foregranted because you just never know when your last goodbye may be. Though he's not here physically, I will forever have the amazing memories we had and his spirit will live on.
My Paulos I love you so much big brother and miss you everyday! xxx forever your little brother Deni!
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