Hiya Guys, ok so I do have a few adventures to update you all on - but I felt it only necessary to write this post as its happening. Its 12.16, just after midnight on a Monday night & i' m currently stretched out on my new bed - typing away at my laptop - in my new room, in my new flat as I begin a new chapter in my life...and I must say i'm feeling slightly Carrie-Bradshaw-esque!
Getting here was quite difficult, in both an emotional and physical way. Today I woke up with butterflies in my tummy and as I began to lug my enormously overpacked suitcase and overnight bag, the pain began to filter through my arms - it felt like every bone and limb was pulsating as i shuffled my way down to the bus stop. Thankfully getting down and up the stairs on the underground was a piece of cake as a couple of kind strong men helped me get my suitcases down and onto the tube - proving there are nice people in London! I left my suitcase at work and once finished at 5pm I headed to Oxford Circus with my luggage , as only 3 steps away was Kings Cross station - where I now call home. London is broken up into Zones - from 1 - 6.
Basically Zone 1 is the most central and then it goes 2,3,4 etc... The Zone you live in can impact on everything from the cost of travel to the cost of real estate. Kings Cross - lucky for me - is Zone 1, it doesnt get more central than that. Its so close to everything , literally a 5minute journey into work and walking distance to so many great locations. As I got off at Kings Cross with my 35kg luggage (more than half my bodyweight) I thankfully got the lifts to the street level however due to construction was diverted and had to walk the longest possible way to get to my bus stop with the heaviest suitcase in the world - not fun! I finally got on my bus where only 3 stops away , I was dropped off basically at my front door - too convenient! Now the difficult task of lugging my suitcase up 2 flights of stairs to get to the apartments door - lucky for me as I walked in there was yet another kind strong man to help me - bless these englishmen! So round 1 was done and it was then back to get the rest of my stuff - consisting of my 'Prada-back-pack' , my sewing machine and laptop - easy I thought, I was wrong. Not only did my backpack weigh a tonne - the sewing machine was not light and nor was my laptop bag. I walked down the street laughing my head off as literally I was covered in luggage, there was a bag dangling from every limb it seemed like - I definitley got many an interesting look. Getting back to my new home with all of this was difficult to say the least - but I finally done it , rewarded myself with a McFlurry and with the sounds of Drake, Jay Z & Cheryl Cole to keep me company - began to unpack. Everything is now officially organised and in its place and boy what a relief that is! I get my new camera tomorrow (thanks mum) so as soon as I do I will take photo's and do another post so you can see my new setup! Its so strange because I never thought I would be in this situation , this is the first time in my life i've really lived on my own , completely independently - its taken a lot to get to this point and I have no doubt it will be a challenging journey but it will be one that will change my life forever and make me grow as a person and at the end of the day that's what life is all about isnt it? We learn something new about ourselves every day , I feel like i've come so far already, I never realised the true potential I have and how capable I am. Even something as small as moving - all on my own today - no help from friends just me and my baggage - both emotional and literal - but I did it and I'm quietly proud of myself. Dont ever stop believing in yourself people - you may suprise yourself and something tells me the suprises wont stop here xoxo Deni
The girls had planned the perfect day and as we sipped our vodka lemonades at - 11am - hey its London after all - and after an impromptu photo shoot we set up in the living room, we were off! For the occasion I chose to wear some WHITE SUEDE skinny's I ripped up , my COMME rolling stones tee and a hooded leather jacket I borrowed off Bonnie , layered with a grey sweat - complete with military boots , beanie (you can never predict london weather) and my new KAVIAR GUACHE studded cuff a present from my lovely friend Rachel Lubin! This cuff is SIK!
We then began our walk into Camden Town, where the girls had a day of vintage shopping and drinking in mind - the perfect combination really. First stop was Hawley Arms - also known as Amy Winehouses's local and where she was first discovered. There was no Miss.Wino but there was jagerbombs, vodka lemonade and a pint of chips and mayo to start of my bday adventures.
we then headed off to do some vintage shopping where i found an amazing vintage leather jacket for 10 POUNDS! Am.az.ing - bonnie bought it for me as my bday present bless her! We then went to a pub kept drinking , met these two random gay boys who were the funniest boys ever - and before you know it we were all partying together till 4am from pub to club to another bar the dancing didnt stop and it was the best first bday in London ever. The weekend however awaited its festivites. My closest girlfriends and I were all dressed up and ready to head over to the exclusive club 24 in Soho for my VIP birthday night out! We had some pre drinks @ Mich's
Then Charlotte gave me my present which was a gorgeous silver engraved framed picture of us!
Some vodka in our system it was off to the club , where we downed Belvedere in our VIP booth and danced the night away to the likes of Jay Z , Rihanna , Kanye West and many urban beats.
Altogether much fun had by all , an amazing Birthday in London town - big thankyou to the girls! xoxo Deni
When your world is crashing down there arms seem like the safest place in the world, a silent assurance that everything is going to be ok. I think that has been the hardest part of this , losing my best friend. Of course break ups come with the standard after-effects. Crying. Not eating followed by eating lots of junk food. More Crying - sometimes at unexpected times, for example while shopping at Zara at the reaction of hearing a song that reminds you of them. Then there's the Alcohol. Followed by more alcohol. Nights out dancing with girlfriends which will more than likely involve kissing boys you dont know just to try prove to yourself that you can infact move on. You get your hair cut and colored and buy that t shirt you've wanted for ages , only to refund it because it just doesnt seem as good as you thought it was - a pure sign of your current state of indecisive emotions. You watch too many episodes of Sex & the City and it seems like every where you go the radio is playing songs that remind you of them and suddenly every where you look there are loved up couples holding hands. I'm sure any and all break ups are bad , then again I think it depends on how much you loved the person (or if you loved them at all) and perhaps how it ended, but when its your first love, your first boyfriend, the first boy you bought home to your parents, the first boy you introduced to your best friend, the first boy you took to easter at your grandparents - the old-school-wog-grandparents you never thought would accept you and him. the first boy you taught to dance serbian 'kolo' and say 'kako si' and 'laku noch', learn to pronounce your family's name properly and introduce a love of vegeta, chevapi and 
sarma to. The first boy your brother sits down and says 'i want you guys to get married and have kids'. The first time you ever said 'I love you' to anyone and the first time someones said it to you. The first time you realised that 'making love' really does exist and that falling asleep in his arms to the sound of his heartbeat is the greatest feeling you've ever felt - these things make a break up harder than ever. To be in a relationship you open up your heart and really allow yourself to feel things you've never felt, fully knowing there is always the possibility you could get hurt, yet you go ahead and dive in head first and it shakes you to your core. The last 2 years , though at times they've been harder than anything i've ever felt, have been 2 of the best years of my life. Love, though painful it can be, is the most beautiful thing in the world. Through this relationship I've learnt alot about myself and about life in general , but I think more than anything I will say this - a relationship can not work without honesty. No matter how much you think the truth may hurt, without honesty there can be no real foundation to a lasting relationship. The second one starts to lie is the second you send your relationship into a negative spiral. However I guess these are the things everyone goes through and thats just life - such a small word with such complicating prospects. After all the tears , sleepless nights and constant questions of why? how? - I will come out of this a stronger person. Life is one big lesson and we constantly learn along the way. No one knows what the future holds and for once I need to let life take its course and see what possibilities it brings. Ben Wilson will always hold an extremley dear place in my heart, though your friends will tell you to 'fucking get over him and move on' all these words are easier said than done - it is true , people need to move on but it happens with time but I wont sit here and say I hate him because that would be a lie. I will forever cherish the 2 years we shared and try take as much of the positive out of it as I can. However, as one chapter closes another shall open - as they say , whatever that chapter holds is a mystery to me, but I look forward to finding out and will keep you posted along the way xoxo Deni
